Rest to peak to rest

Ruthless and jarring. My heart is torn between an endless pursuit of tasks in the to-do list and the peace that is calming that comes from God.

Choosing the latter will be my choice in the next hour, but for now, let me expound on the experiences and thoughts having been here for 3 months.

My strengths are treasured here more than it was in Singapore. I think that many people from Singapore are like me, therefore I am considered typical in Singapore. But I have an inkling that I offer people skills beyond a typical Singaporean.

I am learning to speak up and express my thoughts more coherently. My thoughts are organised and they are valuable. I am connecting my past with who I am now. How do I relate my unspoken thoughts and feelings with an uncertain confidence in speaking them slowly but surely, to influence people around me?

If I can imagine to be whoever I want with on money constraints, what will I be, what will I do? Do I have the authority to dream of what I want to do in my life, or is it subjected to God's will? Are these two mutually exclusive?

Can I really be effective to change situations around me? Should I be merely a receiver of ideas, or can I disseminate mine?

Can I really rise from where I am, to believe in myself as much and more than others believe in me?

Now God be with me.

Rest.

Fall is here

You come up and wake up and I feel set because I have dedicated the day to the Lord.

But hustle and bustle sets in. And people go here and there, never settling in.

And my heart gets jolted again. How much can you take?

As I look outside at those beautiful trees, I thank God again for this lovely day.

Finding a part of me

It sounds silly to take solace in an empty squash court. The body circuit class was not intensive enough, and I didn't want to do treadmill. Back to the old days, where I didn't run at all.

Its like music. Hitting the ball towards the wall is like session myself through what I am familiar with. Piano. Tennis. Home.

The ball is black and much smaller. But who cares. I find part of myself here.

Hit it and get it going.